Let me Fly: A Tribute to Girlhood Dreams

Let me Fly: A Tribute to Girlhood Dreams

20s is the age at which you’re finally considered a “real” adult by society. Suddenly the world gets broadened up and one has so many things in one’s bucket list. It is a ‘phase of expectations’; expectations from your parents, expectation that society starts building for you and above all your own expectations from yourself. Ironically, what society expects from you is completely different from what you have dreamt about you.

When you finish your colleges at the age of 22, on the one hand you aspire to do so many things and on the other hand your parents start getting marriage proposals for you. In their opinion this is the perfect age to get married as there is no dearth of proposals. Conversations on this topic become the staple discussion and the constant chatter about this prompt an unsolicited stress in girl’s life. Out of frustration, I once asked my mother about this and she said to me, “In our society the perfect age for a girl to get married is 20s and the stigma surrounds her if she crosses 30 and is labelled as “left over” and “discarded””. Her reply saddened me and I realized that being successful or being educated is futile unless all this helps you to get a wealthy husband.

Society starts asserting the pros and cons of getting married at this age. The basic benefit of getting married in 20s is that biologically woman’s fertility is at its prime and it’s stressful knowing that there’s a time limit to fertility. But this doesn’t mean that young women can’t face fertility issues. Richard Paulson, M.D., Chief of division of productive endocrinology and infertility at the Keck School of Medicine of the University of Southern California asserts “No one is immune to infertility”. In 20s women do have good egg quality but still there can be other issues that can hinder pregnancy such as tubal issues. Beyond medical standpoint getting married in 20s can bring mini- depression to women as women veer off their professional path, which they might regret down the road.  Many women, who conceive at this age end up thinking that they have brought a halt in their professional realms. They are not settled in their own skins and the thought of moving away from their dreams and aspiration starts killing and deteriorating their minds.

Seeing the present scenario one can ask-Is marriage becoming obsolete? Women have changed their priorities and marriage has become off the table. They prefer short term relationships than to deal with the struggles and doubts of a long term relationships. Women who are career oriented are so busy in achieving their personal goals that getting into commitments can be digressing and distressing thing for them. Being married and being a mother is a big responsibility and life of a woman takes a U turn once she gets into these roles. Sarabjeet Kaur, Bsnl, Jammu asserts, “mothering is a never ending, demanding world of diaper changing, breast feeding, sleepless nights and in pursuit of being a good mother one forgets to be kind to oneself”.

A woman takes a range of roles in her lifetime and deserves a contingent on her relationships and not on her abilities and strengths. I personally have a problem with conditional respect and even bigger problem with making these roles to- do list that all girls are believed to check to become a woman. Even after 71 years of Independence woman is treated as frail and someone who is dependent on male counterpart for her financial as well personal security. My concern in this article is to assert that women should be given the right to define themselves. Give them the breathing room to be much more than what society and world at large expects from them. Let them chase their dreams and passions without having to worry about checking a to-do list of ideal womanhood. Tell yourself and everyone that a woman is above all, a human being and that she should be set free to make her life’s decisions without being judged by the society. It is her life and she should get married when she is prepared to get married and also when she gets the right person. It should be completely her decision whether she wishes to marry at the age of 20 or wants to pursue with her professional career.


Dr. Ranbir Kaur
11 December 2019